In this last post in the self-love category, I will bring together everything I’ve been writing about for the past 5 years. This is my blueprint for self-love.
Love
Love as a concept cannot be explained by a simple definition. In the dictionaries, it’s mostly defined as a feeling. But I think that real, mature love is something we can do, not just something we can feel. To me, love is not a whim, a high, a passive though intense state of being (anymore). More than anything, love to me is dedication to and regard for someone. I’m no longer content with the words ‘I love you’, I need to see the actions that match those words. And I hold myself to that standard as well. I hope that, with all these posts I’ve published over the past 5 years, I have given you some practical ways to practice self-love.
Loving yourself
Bringing everything I’ve been writing about together into my blueprint for self-love:
When you spend time alone and explore yourself, you gain insights into your patterns. Then you can hold yourself accountable for your behaviours. You don’t have to be cruel to yourself, you can still be kind, because your worth is non-negotiable and unconditional. But challenging yourself every once in a while brings you trust in yourself. The belief that you can do hard things will make you respect yourself. You’re allowed to express yourself, celebrate your successes and take care of yourself in the ways you need, physically, emotionally and mentally. If you make time for the things you enjoy and comfort yourself when you’re going through a hard time, you’re truly treating yourself like a romantic partner.
So, to answer the question that I posed on my home page ‘How do you start loving yourself?’: just start somewhere. You can start by exploring yourself, or by expressing yourself, or by taking care of yourself. It doesn’t really matter. It helps if you already know what things come more naturally to you so you can build on them, and what things are harder for you so you can work on those and remind yourself to be patient with yourself in the process.
Never-ending self-love
That (self-)love is something active, something you do, is the philosophy I have hopefully conveyed through this blog by now. And I realize this can sound like a tiresome concept. After all, if it is something active, it is ongoing. It is never done. But that’s also what makes it so special. There’s always more to discover. New things that can make you happy. Changes in yourself that ask for new ways of support. As you change, so should the love you give yourself. It works the same with another person. If someone you love stops drinking alcohol, for example, you don’t give them a bottle of wine for their birthday. You adapt if you care about their happiness. And the same goes for yourself.
Self-love and loving others
Being in a loving relationship with yourself does not mean there is no room for loving others, or being loved by others. Quite the opposite. I think the deeper and richer the love is you give to yourself, the more you have to give to others. And the bar for the love you accept is also raised. So there’s only beautiful things that come from loving yourself.
Love ceremony
When you reach a certain high point of self-love you feel like celebrating, you can do as I did and have a love ceremony for yourself. This can look different for everybody. But dedicating a moment to yourself, to how you transformed your relationship with yourself and how proud you are of how far you’ve come, that’s never a waste of time. I married myself in 2021. And looking back on it, it was totally ridiculous, but so much fun. I’m still happy I did it. My wedding ring serves as a reminder that I will fill my own cup first and from that overflowing I can love others.
And with that, I end this topic. Thank you for reading ❤
