Romance runs through my veins and it makes me enjoy my life to the absolute fullest. Let me show you how to romance yourself.
Romance
The word romance often evokes the same kind of images: hearts, flowers, chocolate. And although these things can be romantic, they do not have to be the only options. To me, romance is a way of life, not just reserved for romantic partners. Romanticism as an artistic movement centers emotion, passion, intuition and nature. It’s about beauty, personal freedom and imagination, centered on the subjective experience of a unique individual. This fits my sense of romance perfectly, as something deeply personal and emotional. It’s about knowing what evokes strong (positive) emotions in someone you love. I will use these principles for describing romance as something you can do for yourself.
Defining self-romance
The definitions I found in dictionaries do not really do romance as a verb justice for me. So, since I was born with an extremely romantic soul, I will create one myself. Romance: ‘to show someone you love them or care about them by doing things for them you know they will deeply enjoy’. Self-romance, then, could be: ‘to show yourself love by doing things for yourself you know you will deeply enjoy’.
Knowing what you love
As I’ve said before, to know yourself, you have to explore yourself. Even if you think you already know yourself completely, there is always something to be (re)discovered. And for the purpose of self-romance, it is important to know what brings you pleasure. What are the feelings you most enjoy experiencing? Is it relaxation, fascination, sensuality, awe, euphoria, gratitude, serenity? That’s where you can get your inspiration from. You identify how you would love to feel and then facilitate this for yourself by picking activities or items that bring you the feeling you’re after. That’s romance to me. Actively treating yourself and enjoying that gift. Self-romance goes two ways, it’s both giving and receiving. It’s setting up the romantic moment or buying the gift and being fully present in enjoying/receiving it. In the end, it always comes back to intentionality.
Personal examples
Some examples from my personal romantic arsenal that can hopefully inspire you:
Romantic dinners
When I want to have dinner by myself in a romantic way, I will cook myself one of my favourite dishes, while listening to my favourite playlist or podcast. I will put down a blanket on the floor of my living room, decorate with some candles and flowers and stuffed animals and then I will eat, savouring each bite. Sometimes I will even do so in front of a mirror, to look at myself while I’m enjoying my own company.
Romantic gifts
When it comes to gifts, the clichés are often true for me. I love flowers. I love jewelry. I love little treats. But I will make sure I get specific with these gifts and I don’t buy fun things just as soon as I see them. I will get sunflowers when I feel like I want to brighten up my home and pink peonies when I want a soft, cute vibe. When I happen upon a cute seashell necklace, I will not buy it instantly, but let the memory of it linger to see if I still want it as badly in a week’s time. Sometimes I do spot something that I immediately know I will love, but I have it wrapped up and put it somewhere out of sight, so I can still kind of surprise myself with it and make it a special moment when I choose to unwrap it.
Romantic showers
I love to make a whole ritual out of my showers. Sometimes the intention is more geared towards soothing and care, and sometimes it’s focused on romance and showing my body I love it. When that is the case, I will turn off the lights, light a sweet smelling candle, turn on one of my romantic playlists and think of myself as Aphrodite as I cover myself in shower foam. I will massage every part of my body mindfully, telling it I love it.
Romantic walks
Taking a little walk is always nice, but to make it romantic you need to know what kind of view and soundscape you most enjoy. I know I love forests and meadows, wildflowers and (flowing) water the most, so if I go for a romantic walk, I’ll make sure at least one of those is included. I will pack a small picnic, and when I feel like taking a rest I will sit down in a beautiful spot, take in my surroundings and let the feeling of contentment and gratitude wash over me.
Romantic dates
I try to take myself on a date at least once every month. Sometimes that means something very small, such as walking to an ice cream shop to get a cone. Other times it means taking myself out for a night, like to a movie or a Burlesque show. If it’s something that I specifically like and can’t think of anyone else who would enjoy it just as much, I take myself. Not just ‘go alone’, I take myself out. I put on an outfit that I love seeing myself in, put on make-up, jewelry, body glitter. Anything that makes me feel like my most radiant self. I blow a kiss to myself in the mirror before heading out and thank myself for a lovely date I get back.
Exercise of the day
For your next (or maybe your first!) romantic moment with yourself, follow these steps:
- Ask yourself how you would like to feel in this moment. What kind of vibe do you crave?
- Think about what you associate with that feeling. Think colours, smells, fabrics, music, food/drink, activities.
- Pick 2 or 3 items and 1 activity that fit the vibe. For example: candles, blankets, hot chocolate and watching your favorite autumn movie for cozy, or: body lotion, incense and dancing to tantric music for sensual.
- Imagine when and where you would like to have your romantic moment (and how you can make sure that you are not disturbed).
- Plan it out. Prepare everything. Have fun with it, laugh at yourself for doing all of this.
- Then, without any drop of guilt or shame, enjoy it.
Tea Time With Amber 