Today I was so incredibly tired that I didn’t do anything else but lie on my couch and watch cheesy romantic comedy’s from the 2000’s. And it was fun, yet also confronting. A lot of the messages in these films are so outdated, but they still made me feel some type of way. I didn’t particularly like the relationships portrayed in these movies or the way gender stereotypes were pushed onto people. But I did feel something in my stomach every time a long awaited kiss happened, or the moment one character confessed their love to another. It made me feel incredibly lonely, once again. And I can handle lonely pretty well. I’m just so tired of waiting for someone that I can love. I am a romantic at heart, and my view of romance has changed a lot over the years. But my wish for a special someone has remained in my heart for as long as I can remember. For someone to see me, completely. To admire me, to understand me. To laugh with, and to be silent with. And even though I find parts of that in my lovely friends, I just want someone in whom I can find it all.
Sometimes I get pessimistic about love. I have noticed that the more I learn and grow and develop morals, principles and standards, the less people seem to be left to even consider dating. And that is all fine, I’m okay with the fact that I’ve become more picky. And I couldn’t go back, even if I wanted to. But it often feels like it’s just such slim pickings, you know?
Sometimes I wish I could just hear from my very old self if I’m going to meet the someone I’ve been fantasizing about in this lifetime. Because if not, then alright, no need to search anymore. No need for hoping. I’ll gladly devote my life to my passions, my people and myself. That would be a complete and rich life to me. I just want to know. But that’s not how it works.
I decided at the beginning of 2026 that I was not going to date this year. Not actively at least, meaning no dating apps and no dating events. If I happen to meet someone organically, then I’m open, but I don’t want to force myself or get my hopes up about meeting someone or even a fun evening and be let down. After watching these movies today, I looked up if there were going to be any dating events in my city the coming months. Then I put my phone away and was able to laugh at myself, while my heart still ached a little. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see, as always.
Tea Time With Amber 