On the eleventh day of Yule, the Valkyries were honoured. They are warrior goddesses who lead the fallen in battle to the next world. I took a walk this morning while meditating on the themes of battles and losses.
My battles this year have been with a disatisfying job, chronic headache, romantic loneliness and setting clear boundaries (especially with my mother). I think my toughest battle was running into the person who sexually assaulted me five years ago. I completely panicked. I’d never expected to see him again, let alone at a Pride event in the city I live in now. It was horrifying, but the people I was with took great care of me and made him leave. And I discovered that by the next day, I was feeling totally okay. Of course it had been awful to see him, but that feeling didn’t linger for long. That made me realize that I have truly healed from that experience, as much as I possibly can. And I felt so strong and resilient when coming to that conclusion.
And what about loss? Thankfully, I have not lost anyone to death this year. That does not mean I haven’t lost anyone at all. I’ve lost a friend, a lover and something in between. These losses all still hurt and I think about them a lot. However, I’ve gained much more than I’ve lost. I’ve made a new friend at the job I hated. I’ve found an amazing house while living in a crappy apartment. I’ve obtained better social skills by striking up conversations with strangers. I’ve found an activist purpose at a women’s rights group. And I’ve become a better dancer by going to many different workshops.
So, let all the battles, losses and gains of 2025 float away and let us begin again.
Tea Time With Amber 