This past year, I’ve really enjoyed being in my own company. And that doesn’t mean I’ve never been sad or lonely. But it does mean I’m always there for me, checking in with myself, sort of like a companion. So, to start off the new year right, let me share with you the art of self-companionship and how it can change your alone time.
Defining Self-Companionship
Etymologically, the word companion comes from the Latin words com (with) and pānis (bread). That loosely translates to: “one who eats bread with another”. The keyword in there is with. A companion is someone “that keeps company with another” (Merriam-Webster). After all, being in someone’s company is “the state of having someone with you” (Cambridge). Collins Dictionary defines companion even more comprehensively: “a person employed to accompany, assist, or live with another in the capacity of a helpful friend”. Going one step further, companionship is defined as: “the enjoyment of being with someone” (Cambridge). Combining all of those, I propose the following definition for self-companionship: “to actively be with oneself, to enjoy keeping oneself company, and showing up for oneself as a helpful friend”.
Being with oneself
A big part of keeping yourself company is being present. To revisit the ‘eating bread’-origin; what is the last time you truly had dinner with yourself? Not with your TV or your phone or whatever other distraction, but really dined with yourself? Experiencing the flavours and texture of your food, and letting your thoughts roam free. Checking in with yourself about your day. Experiencing yourself as you would another person. That’s self-companionship. Just as you would if you were with someone else, you can share with yourself your thoughts and opinions about whatever you are or have been experiencing. You can say these reflections out loud or really listen to and maybe even argue with your own inner monologue. It can be great fun to interact with your own thoughts as though they were completely novel to you. To be able to laugh at your own observations, even if just internally. That can be the difference between feeling alone and feeling like you’re in your own company. We spend a lot of time by ourselves, so it’s good to try and enjoy that time instead of waiting to be with in someone else’s presence.
Enjoyment of your own company
It is not a requirement, and certainly not something that should feel like an obligation, but enjoying your own company can feel really good. There are a few guidelines to make the time you spend with yourself truly enjoyable. Firstly, it is important to put time and effort into doing what you love when you are alone. It is because I know myself well, and thus know what is enjoyable to me, that I can occupy myself so easily when I’m alone. For example, I truly love dancing in my room, video-editing or redecorating my space. During those activities, I’m in complete flow and feel most connected to myself. So I often make time for those pursuits. And that doesn’t mean I never have bed-rotting days, I think we all do. But in order to enjoy your time alone, you should invest some time and energy into learning what it is that takes you to that state of flow I was talking about.
Secondly, it helps to mention it to yourself when you notice you are having a good time. That can really help you appreciate the moment. To simply notice the good in whatever you are doing. If you’re having a good meal, savour it. If you’re watching a good movie, acknowledge the feelings that arise in you. In this way, enjoyment is not something to be chased, rather simply to be noted.
A helpful friend
Companions are not just people to spend time with, but often also people that travel together and/or accompany one another. So when you go somewhere alone, you accompany yourself. To me this means you are aware of and tend to your needs. You support yourself in any way you can when you go somewhere. To accomplish this, I’d say one needs good preparation before and caring self-talk during your trip (however big or small). Say you are planning to take yourself to a museum. You might look beforehand at how far of a travel it is. Think of how much time you’d like to spend there. Pack whatever essentials you think you’ll need, such as a bottle of water, lip balm or an extra sweater. Preparing extensively like this is a form of self-care that’s not only about minimizing discomfort, but also about maximizing pleasure. It’s a way of ensuring that from the moment you step out the door, you’ll have the best experience possible for you. During your outing, you can check in with yourself at every stage, and ask questions like: “Would I like some food? Do I want to read or listen to music on this train ride? What is the most beautiful thing in this room?” This way, you are not only supporting yourself, but also truly spending time with yourself. And that can transform even the most mundane errand into a fun little adventure with yourself.
Personal example
So, what does a day spent in my own company actually look like? On a typical Sunday on which I have no plans, I let the weather decide how I will spend my day. If it’s rainy, I’ll stay in, tidy up my room a bit and think about what I’d like to do. I usually settle on something creative, like drawing, painting, or brainstorming about a new video idea. Sometimes I reflect on the past week, either in writing or by talking aloud and recording it. If it’s sunny, I will usually go to a nearby forest to walk. I will take some croissants and juice with me and stay for as long as I feel like. When I’m travelling somewhere, I make sure I’m as comfortable as I can be. In public transport I always have some form of auditory protection with me to prevent overstimulation. And when I spontaneously plan something with other people, my feeling of self-companionship does not vanish completely. When I’m with others I’ll ask myself questions like: “Am I still having fun? Am I getting tired or overstimulated? How long do I want to stay here?” These are easier to answer when alone, so I usually go to the bathroom or wait until the other person does to check in with myself. It’s become such a habit for me to live this way, that I almost never feel truly alone.
Exercise of the day
Self-companionship is a very personal thing and looks different for everyone. I like to think that my way of doing it is like Frodo and Sam’s bond. The way they cheer each other up, say sweet things to one another and tend to each others needs is a reflection of how I see self-companionship. But you might wish to have a different example. So this week, look for a representation of companionship in a movie or series you’re currently watching to match what you would like to have with yourself. It can be nice to have something to emulate.
Tea Time With Amber 