Self-Worth

To not only live but to truly thrive, we need to value ourselves, fully embrace who we are and give ourselves permission to express our wants and needs. We cannot do this without thinking we are worth it. So in this post I will explore what it is to value oneself and how to have unshakable and unconditional self-worth.

Self-Worth

I wasn’t sure what term to choose for this post. Self-esteem, self-confidence, self-respect. They’re all connected and appear as synonyms in many dictionary entries. But the word worth has such a beautiful and all-encompassing connotation for me, that I settled on that. I do prefer verbs when writing about self-love, but I think self-worth is an exception. Worth is not something we do, it is something we feel. It’s a certain energy you invest in and simultaneously receive from yourself. Having a sense of worthiness is powerful. It influences what we think we deserve and who we think we’re allowed to be. Worth is quite an abstract term though, so let’s build a definition first, shall we?

Defining self-worth

The Cambridge dictionary defines worth as ‘having a particular value’ and to be worth something as ‘to be important or interesting enough to receive a particular action’. Additionally, worthiness is defined as: ‘the quality of deserving respect or attention’. With some of my own additions, my proposed definition for self-worth would be: ‘the belief that one has intrinsic value and therefore is important enough to receive attention and respect from oneself’.

Value

I believe, and was fortunate to be brought up with the belief, that I matter, just by existing. I am valuable, just because I’m alive. And now that I’m an adult, I need to value myself, actively.
When you value something, you care about it. You handle it with care and protect it, because you want the value to remain what it is. When you value someone, you care for them and treat them with respect. You want the best for them. Now, apply that to yourself. If you value yourself, you care for yourself in the way that you need. You treat yourself with respect, meaning you listen to your own feelings and opinions. You trust yourself. You protect yourself from harm. And you want the best for yourself, however that looks for you. For this feeling to manifest, you do not need massive confidence. You just need to believe you are important enough.

Enough

Worthiness is about feeling like you are enough. That your value is not bound to something or someone else. Something I want to press on everyone reading this is that self-worth is never conditional. It is not connected to achievements. That dips more into the realm of self-esteem or self-confidence, where you are proud of your accomplishments. And that can be a great feeling, but self-worth is not connected to anything you do. It just means you believe you are enough, and move through the world making space for yourself. To try and shake off learned behaviours driven by rules that have taught you to change yourself to appease others. It means allowing yourself to be yourself, wholly.

Allowing

Self-worth is about allowing yourself to be who you are. You have permission to be, feel, want and need things. You’re allowed an identity and like the things you like without being shamed for it. You’re allowed to feel and listen to emotions that want your attention. You’re allowed to want, to crave certain things you’re passionate about. And you’re allowed to need things that are fundamental to your well-being.

Maybe it has not always felt this way for you, but everyone should be encouraged to want things and need things. Because whether we like it or not, we do. We’re all unique individuals with our own specific peculiarities. And that means we have our preferences about how we want to be treated. And so, you deserve to ask for what you want and need. Of course, allowing and advocating for wants and needs is not the same thing as thinking you should always immediately get everything you can think of. That’s entitlement. What I am saying is: you’re allowed to pay attention to your wants and needs and deserve to express them. To advocate for yourself without shrinking yourself. That’s something a lot of us struggle with, but with practice, we can get better at it by asking ourselves more often: ‘What do I need right now?’

Personal example

A few months ago I was feeling lonely. I felt a need for more connection and more contact with the people in my life. The first thing I thought when I felt this, was that I was needy and not independent enough. But my feelings are valid and worth listening to. So I made a little list of the people I’d like to see or talk to more often and talked to them one by one, which felt vulnerable and scary. But they all reacted compassionately and I have noticed a change, both in them reaching out and in my loneliness waning. So looking back, I allowed and listened to my emotions, thought about what I wanted to change and expressed my needs, which turned out great. Sounds so simple, right?

Freedom

Having a strong sense of self-worth will give you a sense of freedom and security. Self-worth is about feeling safe, secure and free in who you are. Free from judgement, free from wanting yourself to be different. Of course there is always room for self-improvement, but feeling like you are worthy as you are is a wonderful place to start from, always.

Exercise of the day

I realize I write about wanting and needing and freedom from quite a privileged position. So many people across the globe do not even have access to basic fundamentals, such as food. So please, if you’re able, join me in donating whatever you can to the World Food Programme, as a way to remind ourselves that yes, we are worthy, but so is everyone else on this planet.